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  • Writer's pictureChelsea Panter

Agnostic to Spiritual. How Does that Happen?

If you would have asked me 10 years ago if I believed in God or angels or spirit guides, I would have looked at you with a smirk on my face and then probably busted up laughing. I grew up in an all encompassing, Mormon household and after leaving that religion in my early 20’s, the only thing I believed in was the unknown. After studying existentialism, Buddhism and connecting with the earth, my basis of spirituality became rooted in peace and love, leaving a cognitive dissonance for organized religion. It was a definitive moment to completely leave the church I was raised in which was reached after many experiences and much contemplation starting as early as the first grade.

In the moment of clarity, I was driving home after work, watching the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. I realized I did not want to be Mormon anymore or ever again and that I was finished completely. I felt a heavy weight lift off of me. It was like I had been wearing a backpack made of large rocks and I removed it. It was a wonderful feeling that I will never forget. I spent many years with myself, relearning to love myself. I forgave myself in many ways as well as my mother for the dysfunctional relationship we had, the verbal and emotional abuse and the turbulent childhood. I understood that she was/is doing the best she can with what she has. I had used our broken relationship as an excuse to not love myself since childhood. It was like a comfort blanket and it was largely healed at that time. However, I still continue to work towards healing parts as they arise like layers of an onion are peeled off.

When I turned 30, I had two gifts in mind. I wanted to gift myself a tattoo and I wanted to see a psychic. I was nervous and excited for both. I got the tattoo and made an appointment with a psychic nearby that a friend had recommended. Growing up in the Mormon church, we were taught that psychics are of the devil. I didn’t believe that, however it was still ingrained partially into my subconscious. As I sat for my reading, I was blown away. She was able to tell me precise details about my life that she could not have known. The messages touched my heart. I could tell she was communicating with someone or something unseen. I wondered who it could be? I thought perhaps it was my Grandpa who had passes. After the reading, she went to explain she had been communicating with a spirit guide. I had no idea what that was and she explained it as a soul that has been with you in a past life that contracted to guide and protect you in this life. Wow. Past lives? I loved Buddhism, however had never been attracted to the idea of past lives, so I just ignored that part. I was fascinated and had to know more.

A few weeks later, I was at the library, getting ready to leave with my kids. A book seemed to catch my eye as if someone had left it there on the shelf. I picked it up. It was so beautiful with a shiny rainbow colored cover stuck out entitled “Your Psychic Self” by Melissa Alvarez. I could not put it down and tried many of the tools taught in the book like asking for a sign from the universe and asking to see your spirit animal, how to connect with your guides and angels. It was the beginning of my journey into spirituality.

I have a background in Psychology. I am extremely analytical and I love science. It has taken me years to get where I am now and it has been with baby steps. Just like my soul needed it to be. Everything I believe in has been through personal experience. I can not deny the experiences I have had, the stories I have listened to and the books I have read. I believe in a Source that connects us all. You can call this God or universal consciousness. Nothing is random and everything happens as it should. Just like the Beatles song “All You Need is Love”; “There’s no place you could be that isn’t where you’re meant to be. It’s easy.” I believe there is life after death because I have have communicated with souls that have passed and I still do. I know we are all made of energy, not because science has proven it, but because I have felt it with my very own hands. I learned this when I began practicing Reiki. I believe in other beings such as angels because again, I have seen and communicated with them and their energy is uniquely different than that of a human. There is so much more I believe it. This is what I know now and I am sure it will change and transform as all things do.

I believe that love and light heals all and I believe we all have the ability to tap into a sixth sense and experience these things for ourselves.

This is my story and I hope you find it enlightening and helpful in some way.



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